As I type this, I am somewhere above 30,000feet cruising my way from Minneapolis/St. Paul, MN to Raleigh/Durham, NC.  Our inflight service began about 10 minutes ago.  I am in the front row of economy class, and decided that since I am on a mini vacation, I should enjoy a nice cold beer.  I ordered a Corona.  The Flight Attendant (I will find out her name.. I promise!  They don’t introduce themselves at the beginning of the flight like we do at Westjet!) had some issues with her Point of Sale device.  She apologized a few times.  I replied (a few times!!) that it was no big deal.  I even went so far as to tell her I totally understood, having used a very similar POS at our airline.  She looked so relieved.  I was polite, I wasn’t upset.  I had said please when I ordered my beer, and thank you when it was handed to me.  At the risk of sounding like a broken record – these are things that ARE NOT HARD.  I looked her in the eye when I spoke to her.  Do you know what she said to me??  She said “THANK YOU”.  Not so much a thank you for your business, or for your purchase…  no…  her words were “thank you for using those magic words”.

I SHOUT AT YOU

PEOPLE!!  THIS IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE!!!  It is absurd that I should be thanked for using proper manners in a public place.  Yet, it has become so commonplace that people behave RUDELY, that people are taken aback and overly appreciative when someone surprises them with a Please and a Thank You.  I fear for the next generation.  If people don’t think twice about treating people in the service industry poorly, you can bet your next paycheque (per diems and all!!) that they aren’t bothering to teach their children manners either.  An entire generation of people with a false sense of entitlement are being raised..  raised to be rude to their fellow human beings.  I know I have mentioned this before to the people behind the counters…  but honestly – it goes for EVERYONE.

Once again, I remind you – people in the customer service industry are just that – PEOPLE.  They deserve the same respect as everyone else.  Without that lady pouring you coffee, selling you a movie ticket, scanning your groceries, or handing you a bag of pretzels at 30,000feet (or higher!) you’d be lost.  Smile at them.  Speak to them.  Treat them with respect.  I bet your days get better!  Like breeds like.  You are nice to them, they are nice to you..  and they’ll be happier and they will then be nice to the next person, who will smile and pass it along to someone else.

That’s right folks.  It’s the “Golden Rule” mentality I would like to encourage – and I do encourage it.  Go out there today, and smile at someone.  Interact with them.  Say please when you need something, and Thank you when you get it.

Pay it Forward – you never know when it will come back to you.

and btw – the Flight Attendants name is Pam.

I have always believed in Family.  I have always felt a desperate need to identify with my relatives, to know who they are, where they come from – to feel connected.

Funny thing is – I am not from a tight knit family.  There are family rifts, lost communication and a lack of understanding of who we all are…

this is Part One…

DAD

My Dad’s side used to be closer. I have pictures to prove it.  Pictures of me with my cousins.  Pictures of my Dad’s siblings at my Grandparent’s farm.  I used to go to Kindergarten with my cousin – people thought we were twins cuz we had the same last name, we were in the same class and we sorta looked abit alike.  But then…  something happened.  I don’t know the entire story.  I don’t think that I ever will.  All I know is that we lost touch with practically everyone.  My grandmother developed Alzheimers Disease and eventually was placed in a home specializing in such care.  When she passed, we celebrated her life and that was the first time I had seen my aunts and uncles and cousins in many years.  It was a very sad day in so many ways, and yet – for the girl who always wanted to feel connected – it was an amazing day.  There were tears, but also laughter – as we remembered times on Grandma’s farm.  There were hugs and exchanges of loving sentiments, and promises of get togethers in the very near future.

Fast forward a few years.  My Aunt Shirley (my Dad’s eldest sibling) passed away after a brave fight with cancer.  Again, there was a celebration of her life.  Again, there were hugs, tears, laughter and promises of being closer and keeping in touch.

Fast forward one more time.  Now, it was my own Father who passed on.  5th child of 6 – his passing was very unexpected.  Once again, a celebration of his life.  I felt the sincere love from my cousins and my Dad’s siblings.  However, I knew the promises of staying in touch were hollow.

**a quick side note.  My Uncle Larry has always attempted to stay in contact with me.  We are more and more in contact as the years go by, and I am truly grateful for the gift of his friendship**

In the two years since my Dad left this world, I have felt that disconnect between his family very keenly.  I have felt a great need to reach out, and to reclaim my family as my own.  My Aunt Valerie (the baby of the family, and the only remaining girl) and her husband graciously designed our backyard landscaping.  We had a couple of visits, and I thought I was on my way.  However, we lost touch again.

I finally sent my request for family out into the universe – a prayer if you will – and am so pleased to report that it seems to have worked!!

On Friday the 3rd of September, I will be boarding a Delta flight (hopefully – standby is scary!!) and making my way to Raleigh, North Carolina.  There, I will be met by my Uncle Ron.  Ron is the 2nd son, and 3rd child.  I will be spending 4 days with him and his lovely wife, my Aunt Linda.  They have also amazingly arranged time with my cousins.  I haven’t seen them in over 25 years, except for a few moments I got to spend with Ron at my Grandmother’s funeral.  I am beside myself with excitement.

In the midst of planning this amazing trip, I received a phone call from Uncle Larry.  He was going to be in Alberta – could we get together?  I couldn’t help but say a big Thank You to the universe for bringing me this level of connection.  Unfortunately I was away most of the time Larry was in town, but I did get to give him a hug as he arrived in Calgary (my crew was taking over the plane he flew in from) and I also had a quick but lovely visit with him today.

After speaking with Larry today, I have decided to renew contact with my Aunt Val.  I am also going to send a note to my cousin Tracey and see if we can get together for a coffee or a glass of wine.  I have been lucky this month – the universe has given me my family… now it’s up to me to grab hold and make the reconnections stick.

As promised, I am going to try and “review” my customer service experiences both at home and on the road.  I was recently at one of my favourite hotels, (2X) and as always – had an amazing experience in the lounge there both nights.  As this level of service is consistent, I have decided to make them my first review.

Now, please keep in mind that I have never reviewed anything officially in my life.  I have no idea if there is a proper format, a scale…  who knows?  And honestly – I don’t really care.  This is my own experiment, about something that I feel pretty strong about.

The Lounge at The Fairmont Winnipeg

On average, I am probably here once a month.  Some months it’s more frequent, and others, I am not here at all.  The Lounge has great hours (they are open until Midnight every night – and frequently stay open until 0100 if there are people in the lounge) and amazing food.  The soup?  amazing.  The Dumplings?  to die for.  My personal favourite – the Curry.  You can have it with chicken, shrimp or Paneer (I believe) and over rice or in a wrap.  It is truly delicious and something I look forward to all day if I know I am going to be here for dinner.  My last visit, I enjoyed the Cobb Salad for the first time.  I substituted the stinky blue cheese with some wonderful feta… and it was – of course! – unbelievable.

What I look forward to the most, tho?  Is the service.  It is practically a guarantee that you will be greeted with a smile.  Not one of those fake painted on “I have to smile” smiles either…  it’s a genuine “happy to see you here” smile.  You will be asked how you are doing, and a true conversation will take place.  The service is fast but not rushed, and I have yet to have anything not be served to me EXACTLY as I ordered it.  I’m sure tho, that if something were to come out not quite right – it would be fixed with no questions.

I like being greeted with a friendly smile.  I like being called by name.  I enjoy having a lovely wine list and amazing food.  I like when I rave about a place, and have sceptics turned into believers within 10 minutes of sitting down.  Because of all those reasons – I LOVE the Lounge at The Fairmont Winnipeg.

So to the management – keep up the good hiring!  You certainly have a good thing going for you.

To Darlene and Maria – and to your co-workers – Thank you!

*** a note.  I make it a mission now to try and remember people’s names when I see them more than once.  This includes servers in restaurants I frequent because of my Job.  I was recently made fun of a little bit by my crew because of this…  I know it’s not common practice, but it SHOULD be.  Just as they provide amazing service, they should be treated with courtesy and respect right back – and to me, that means remembering their names.***

Customer Service.

It’s something I feel very strongly about.  I have spent most of my working life providing customer service.  I’d like to think I have done very well.  It’s not rocket science.  In fact, it’s one of those things that we teach our young children..  it’s so simple and so important in fact, that the basis for excellent customer service has it’s own name.

The Golden Rule

Treat others as you would have them treat you

Simple

So why is it, then, that so many have such a difficult time with Customer Service?  I travel for work.  I travel for pleasure.  I shop.  I eat out.   I am waited on by servers in restaurants and bars.  I encounter front-desk staff, housekeeping staff.  I meet countless agents in countless airports all over North America and the Caribbean.  I pay my hard-earned (ok ok…  my earned) money to cashiers everywhere.  I find it sad and disheartening that most of my experiences are mediocre at best.  Finding excellent service is a lot like those “Where’s Waldo” pictures.  Hundreds of people, and only one exceptional.

What takes the middle-of-the-road semi-acceptable level of service that one notch higher?  I believe there are a few things..

1.  Personality.  SHOW IT!  Smile! Laugh! Talk! Share!  Ask me how my day is, and be interested in the answer!  Compliment me on my shoes! Tell me your kid is the same age as mine!  This is a CONVERSATION!  It’s amazing.

2.  Be Proud.  I don’t care if you are serving Fries at McDonalds or Frites at the most upscale restaurant in town.  Be PROUD of what you are doing.  We all have a job to do, and we should do it to the best of our ability.  The job you do is a reflection of who you are.  Doctor?  be the best damned doctor around.  Advertising Exec?  Show us the most amazing commercial we’ve ever seen!  Janitor?  Shine that floor until I can see myself, and then stand there and be PROUD when I use it to check on my Sassy Red Hair!

3.  Get Better (at what you do).  No one knows everything.  Stay informed!  Not only on your own job, but on your company, and your industry.  When people ask you something you don’t know – find out!  Next time, you’ll have the answer!

4.  Remember (who pays your wage).  I know…  this is only one step away from “The Customer is Always Right”.  I know that isn’t a true fact.  Customers/Passengers/Diners/Guests can be wrong.  It happens.  But it DOESN’T MATTER.  Ultimately – they are paying your wage.  Listen to them.  Most of the time, this is what people want – to be heard.  If there is a legitimate problem and you can’t solve it – make sure that they get in touch with someone who CAN solve it.  It also helps to remember that just because YOU know where everything in the store is, doesn’t mean THEY do.  They don’t come in every day!  This translates across to ANY profession and ANY job.

Here’s a tip too – if you get anything other than mediocre service – SAY SOMETHING.  If it’s bad, hopefully management will want to know so that they can fix it.  If it’s amazing – hopefully that person will be recognized for a job well done.

With that being all said, I am going to start letting everyone know my experiences out there.  But here’s the catch.  Only the really bad and the really great.  Mediocrity isn’t something I personally find worth my time.

PS.  High Class / Expensive doesn’t always mean great service!  On the reverse, Low End / Low Cost doesn’t always means poor service!

Writers Block.

I have it.

I had great aspirations of making this an active blog, with heaps of witty posts about my life both as a Flight Attendant and as a Mother.  I was so certain this wouldn’t be hard – I do possess a sharp wit and a sarcastic sense of humour.  I think I’m funny.  Not stand-up comedian funny – just… well…  sarcastic and witty!  I set up this blog – and the lovely @PrincessJenn designed me this awesome and fun layout.  All set right??

WRONG

9 times out of 10 when I attempt to write now, nothing comes of it.  It’s not funny.  It’s not interesting.  It’s, well…  it’s just NOT.

This weekend is BlogHer in NYC, and BlogHerAtHome in the rest of North America.  A gathering – real and virtual – of amazing women who don’t seem to have this problem.  Or do they?  I have decided that I can’t be the only one who has this trouble.  Surely, I am not rare in not feeling interesting all of the time.  So then, what makes those women any different than me?

THEY ACTUALLY POST.

That’s right.  They actually publish what they are writing, instead of what I do.. which is write a few lines, decide it’s horrible and delete it and log off.  They are blogging from their hearts – for themselves.

And so should I.  I should get over myself, and just do it.

I am vowing now to write more for myself, and not worry about what everyone else thinks.

Starting tomorrow.

I had an interesting weekend.  I attended an amazing Karate Workshop with my Dojo.  We camped, we trained, we spent time with our Grand Master, who is a most amazing man.  I had the privilege of getting to know my Dojo brothers and sisters, and their spouses, alot better.  I learned, and I realized my skills in my chosen Martial Art are starting to solidify.  Did I mention that all of this amazing activity took place in Lake Louse, AB and Emerald Lake, BC?  For those who have not had the opportunity, you must visit Emerald Lake once in your lifetime.  Seriously – go put it on your bucket list RIGHT NOW.  Not only is it breath-takingly beautiful, it’s also situated on one of the most prominent energy points in the world.  It is a place to relax, and renew.

Now – with all of this amazement going on..  who would think there would be time for tears?  Well let me tell you – I had tears, and tears a plenty.

The first set came after our first Kobudo training session.  (Weapons).  For some reason, by the end, I was in tears.  A Year ago, I would have said this was due to the frustration of just NOT getting it.  This year tho, that wasn’t the case.  I didn’t feel frustrated in the least.  I also didn’t feel sad.  I just HAD to cry…  and hug my little people.  I had the opportunity to chat with our Grand Master about it, and came to the realization that because Emerald Lake is a place that is very special to me, and because my spirit has grown both in my every day life and in my Martial Arts training, and because I was standing in this amazing, beautiful energy place – I had an emotional release.  This is a good thing.  I have a lot to release, and a lot to work on.

My second round of tears wasn’t as amazing.  The Dojo kids that were camping with us had the opportunity to train with our Grand Master as well.  During that training, my kids were especially, well… obnoxious.  So were the other kids…  but in my eyes, my two were the ones being singled out…  being judged…  and by association I felt I was being judged as well.

My oldest has issues when he’s in crowds..  he has troubles focusing and keeping himself still when his senses are overloaded, and he also likes to show off.  Not a great combination.  I get this.  I know this.  Others may not.  They don’t know that he can’t actually sit..  it’s physically next-to-impossible for him.  They just see a boy who won’t listen when he’s asked to stop.  When there is a lot of sensory overload – people, unfamiliar surroundings, noise – he gets worse.  He blocks it out..  I believe in this process he blocks everything out, and gets into a state where no input is allowed in, and all we get is a LOT of output.  No balance, and no calm.  As his parents, we get just as frustrated with this as his teachers, and other adults.  My biggest regret to date with him?  I haven’t yet fully accepted that this is who he is.

My littlest one isn’t much better.  He has learned from example.  He adores his big brother, and will do anything he does.  He talks out of turn, and has recently decided that listening to his parents is NOT high on his priority list.  Neither is sitting quietly, or showing respect.  He does have room in his day to throw 100 (give or take) temper tantrums a day, however.  Complete with kicking, screaming and being downright nasty.

I was raised with a certain expecation as to what my behaviour in public would be.  I have worked with kids for many many years, and have always had a high expectation as to their behaviour when presented in public.  I have this same high standard for my own kids.  I am starting to realize that the real “PROBLEM” with my kids is ME.

*I* expect them to behave a certain way.  I have just told you that my oldest CAN’T always behave that way.  Logically, I know that he does the best he can most of the time.  Yet, I still get SO upset with him.  I am embarrassed to admit this, but I am embarrassed by his behaviour at times.  The little one has the ability to reduce me to tears.  Yet – if you ask most anyone who interacts with my children – they are great!  They are on the active side of normal, but they are GREAT kids!  After a morning spent yelling, screaming, stomping and crying – and that was just me! – I have come to a huge realization.

I need to learn to actually ACCEPT my kids.  I love them, and I do love them unconditionally.  They are amazing little people with loving, fun and intuitive personalities.  They try so hard.  They try to please a Mother who has unattainable and unacceptably high standards.  Who needs to modify their behaviour in this situation?  Yes… that would be ME.

My goal from here forward is this:  I will try to not allow other people’s opinions to change my opinion of my kids.  Until you’ve walked a mile in someone’s parenting shoes, no one has the right to judge.  I wouldn’t dream of judging someone else, so why do I allow other’s judgments to affect me? From now on?  I DON’T!  If you have a negative opinion of my kids – keep it to yourself.  We don’t need to hear it.  I will also remember that my kids are almost always doing the very best that they can.  They want to please, and they want to be happy.  They aren’t intentionally trying to drive me to drink – they are just learning and growing and exploring their world.  As their mother, it is my job to allow them to do this.

Most importantly tho, I will learn to accept my children for the people that they are.  I will stop trying to fit them into an outdated mold of what past generations believe children should be.  So what if they don’t behave the way others believe they should?  If they aren’t hurting anyone, or anything, or themselves – and they are in an environment where they aren’t being too disruptive – they will be allowed to be themselves.  To Be Kids.

And I will be ok with it.

I hope.

Yes, I am 100% aware that without paying customers, those of us who work in any form of the service industry wouldn’t get paid.  I get that.  I am grateful to those people who buy tickets to fly with my airline. I even have a favourite “blurb” at the end of every flight! “On behalf of WS, but ESPECIALLY this inflight Crew, we’d like to thank you for flying with us today.  If you weren’t in your seat, we wouldn’t be in ours, and we sure do appreciate that you chose to fly with us today” and I completely, 110% mean it.  I love that people choose to fly us, in fact.. to them… I say…  KEEP DOING IT!  FLY! FLY! FLY!!

That being said…..

I have a few minor annoyances that I’d like to air.  As part of my campaign to make air travel that much friendlier for us all.

1.  The aisle.  I know you are sitting in the aisle SEAT…  however…  the actual AISLE isn’t part of that seat.  Your bags shouldn’t be laying where people can trip on them, nor should your feet be stretched all the way out, able to play a quick game of footsies with the person across the aisle.  (No.. I don’t care HOW cute she is…  try chatting her up instead!!) Now, if you choose to ignore the previous piece of advice, and a Flight Attendant gently reminds you to pull your feet or elbows in, as a cart is coming thru – don’t glare at him/her!  Trust me – they are doing you a FAVOUR.  Being hit by an aircraft service cart HURTS.

2.  The Seatbelt Sign.  This is a valuable information tool.  It’s there for your SAFETY.  While we are all in the cabin, happily serving or sipping drinks, watching TV, reading a book.. the pilots are in constant contacts with ATC (Air Traffic Control).  They get all sorts of information from those ATC folks..  things like TURBULENCE REPORTS.  So while yes, it might be quite smooth right now – chances are if the Captain has turned that Seatbelt Sign ON…  you should probably return to your seat, and remain seated, with your seatbelt securely fastened…  well…  you know the drill.  On the off chance that it’s honestly an oversight on the Captain’s part, the turbulence is over… and you REALLY have to go…  and you sheepishly make your way in the direction of the lav..  your Flight Attendant is going to remind you that the Seatbelt sign *IS* on, and that the safest place for you is in your seat.  That is ALL s/he is going to say to you.  Repeatedly, if you ask permission to use the washroom, or go into a huge story about how and why you need in there.  It’s best to just remain seated…

3.  Eye Contact.  MAKE IT.  Your Flight Crew is made up of HUMAN BEINGS.  Like you, they appreciate good manners.  Now, I completely understand that the book you are reading is the read of the century.  I totally get that some girl is about to hand a rose to some guy, or better yet – someone is about to get voted off the island.  But, my friend, it’s a sad state our society has gotten to if you can’t raise your eyes for 5seconds, use the words “please” and “thank-you” and look me in the eye.  Even if you don’t want a coffee or any snacks..  it’s just a respect thing.

and while we are on the topic of good manners… please use them.  Have your children use them.  Really, your children should be using them all the time – but this isn’t a parenting blog….  so I will leave that one alone.  You have no idea what a difference to my day it makes if you, a guest on my plane, use manners and show respect.  I don’t expect respect because of my job, I expect respect as a fellow human being.

Now, please know that this post is very tongue-in-cheek.  It’s not meant to offend anyone in anyway.  Just a little rant or vent, as they say.  I certainly ensure that I follow the above “airplane etiquette” at all times.  I shower daily, I come to work with a smile on my face.  I enjoy what I do, and love meeting the Guests we have the privilege of taking from point A to point B.  I do my best to not hit you with my carts, even if your feet ARE dangerously close to the cute girl across the aisle.  I joke, I laugh, I smile.  I hope that you can see the love I have for my job and my industry whenever you encounter me.

Safe Flying to Everyone.

***WARNING*** this post is going to make some of you feel old.  I apologize for that, but if *I* have to feel old, I’m taking you all down with me.

Almost 12 years ago, I started dating a man I had known for 4 years.  He was tall, handsome and treated me wonderfully.  All things I liked!  He owned his own company, and really had it together – things I wasn’t used to in a boyfriend.  He got along with my family, and they all loved him.  Seems like a perfect guy, right?  I agreed!!  Things started to get pretty serious, and even tho this guy was amazing – people warned me.  See, this man had a daughter.  She was four.  I was warned that dating a man with a child was going to be hard.  I was warned it wasn’t like dating a man without kids.  Those people were certainly right!  Dating a man with a child is different, and at times – difficult.  Thankfully tho, I don’t listen well!  I continued dating that man, and eventually married him.  That little four year old girl is now my daughter.  I love her just as much as the two brothers we gave her.  I wouldn’t trade a minute of our journey together.  I am so very proud of that little girl, and even more proud of the young woman she’s become.

You see, that little girl turns sixteen tomorrow.

I have so many memories and have had the honour of sharing in so many experiences…  I share a few of them with you now.

The first time I met Darryl – I hadn’t been dating Joel long, and he was so careful about girls meeting his daughter.  She was sound asleep and a friend and I stopped by to watch a movie with his friend and him.  Not 10 minutes into our visit, a sleepy and very cute little thing came padding out from the bedroom.  She looked at her Dad, at his friend, at me, and at my friend.  She came up to me and said “you’re very pretty, and I like your pigtail braids” and then looked at my friend and said “and you’re big and fat”.  Now…  the girl speaks the truth.  I am certainly not ugly, and my pigtail braids were cute!  And the fact is, my friend was indeed a big girl.  I still to this day admire Darryl’s honesty.

Our first trip together – We took a recently turned five year old with us to Peachland, BC to visit my grandparents.  She was so excited.  Her Dad had her convinced Peachland was made of Peaches…  and really – how awesome is THAT?  She was also excited to meet another set of grandparents.  The girl always has been smart – more grandparents = more spoiling.  The drive from Calgary to Peachland is about eight hours.  She drank and ate normally.  We stopped at all the great places on the way.  Golden for lunch, The Enchanted Forest…  so our trip probably took us nine hours.  I have a small travel bladder.  I stop to pee alot.  Each time we stopped, we tried to get her to go.  Would she?  NOPE.  The girl held it ALL THE WAY.  We arrived at my grandparents, and were met at the base of the driveway.  Over bounced (you know the bounce…  also known as the pee-pee dance) our girl…  “HiYouMustBeNanaI’mDarrylWhere’sYourBathroom” the words were strung together… and spoken very fast.  I admire the stubborn streak, and I also admire how Darryl can walk into ANY situation and make herself at home.

When Tyson learned to walk – Our visitation arrangement states that we have Miss D for a month every summer.  The summer her baby brother learned to walk, we had her in August.  Tyson learned to walk in July.  She came in the front door, and Tyson toddled his way over to his big sister, huge smile on his face.  Darryl dropped everything, and started to cry.  She was so proud of her brother.  “Tyson! You can WALK!!!!!!” she exclaimed.  I love how she always celebrates other peoples successes, and how she loves our family here as much as her other family at her Mom’s.

When Jeremy learned to walk – Jeremy, our resident stinker..  (said with love… with LOVE!) of course couldn’t just surprise his sister with a new skill.  He went ahead and learned to walk while we were on a 2-week family vacation to the maritimes.  Rental Cottages aren’t always baby-proofed, and of course, Jeremy ended up tumbling his new-walking self into the corner of a coffee table.  Right. In. Front. Of. His. Sister.  While, of course, she was watching him for us while we got changed and ready to go out.  Again, a baby brother’s walking skills caused his big sister to cry.  This time tho, because she felt so bad that he was hurt while she was watching him.   It took most of the rest of our trip to convince her that it would have happened no matter what, and that we didn’t blame her.  Our girl is a sensitive soul, and I hope she never loses that.

Now…  those are just a few memories.  I could write until she turns 17 with all of the things that I hold in my memories and in my heart about Darryl.  Things weren’t always easy tho.  We have had our rocky times.  We’ve fought, cried, yelled.  We’ve grown apart and back together.  There were times when I wasn’t sure it was the best thing for her, for me to stay with her Dad.  There were times when she hurt me, and even more times when I am sure I have hurt her.  I don’t say I am proud of those moments, but in all honesty – I’d do them all again, just the same.  They brought us where we are today.  We can laugh, joke, and speak our minds.  We look each other in the eye and say we love each other.  There will be times in the future where I am sure we’ll hurt again – but we have a strong friendship and bond, and we’ll make it to the other side of that hurt.

I have one more memory to share.

The night before and the day I married her Dad – On September 19, 2003 we were getting the final touches ready for our wedding.  We were almost ready to head out for our wedding rehearsal.  Our phone rang.  Miss D had fallen out of a treehouse, and broken her fall with her lip.  She now had three lips.  One on the bottom, and now two on the top, since her’s was split in, well, two.  In the rush of activity that day/night, I can’t actually remember the order of events.  I just know that Joel and I somehow managed to get to the rehearsal (late) and leave the rehearsal (early).  We didn’t go for dinner.  We went back to the hospital.  Darryl got all stitched up.  Trooper that she is, she still wanted to be as involved in our wedding as originally planned.  Poor thing had a swollen face, and was in a lot of pain.  She came with us and got her hair done, came with us all to get dressed with the girls, and performed her part as a Junior Bridesmaid  with more grace than most.  Yes, our pictures show her lip – but honestly – all you can see is a beautiful girl with shining eyes.  My favourite memory of Darryl tho (and I don’t mean from our wedding – I mean ever!) is when she got up to make a speech.  She was nine years old.  We had opened the mic up and there she was.  She told me she was so happy I had married her Dad, and became her Step-Mom.  It was the ultimate level of acceptance, and still makes me cry to think about it.  I’m pretty happy I married her Dad too, and thrilled to be her Step-Mom.  As a side note, I do have to thank Darryl for taking care of the “mishap” that almost every wedding has.  Other than her fall, our wedding was absolutely perfect.

Darryl – this is my letter to you.  I post it publicly because it’s my way of shouting from the mountaintops how very amazing you are.  You have the ability to become anything you want to be, and I hope that you know how very proud I am of you.  I have a hard time believing that you are 16.  I swear just yesterday I was brushing your hair into pig-tails, and redecorating your room to reflect your love of Pokemon.  I hope that the good outweighs the bad in your eyes as well, and I thank you for all that you have taught me.

I love you, my daughter.

Anyone close to me this past week or two knows that I have had a rough time lately.  I have not been myself, and my mood has been erratic at best.  I had a moment yesterday where I realized I had gone as low as I was going to allow myself to go.  It’s all up from here, because I refuse to wallow any longer.

I had some people close to me make some comments to me that really hurt.  They were off-handed and quite frankly, cruel.  I don’t believe anyone set out to cause me so much pain, and I do believe that some comments are made out of lack-of-understanding and jealousy.  I believe in forgiveness.  I will forgive the pain caused, and hopefully will eventually forget the hurt.  I don’t want to forget what happened, because I will always use this week to remind myself that I can choose to let things go, and that I can choose how someone affects me.

A little background:  I am a Flight Attendant.  I absolutely love my job.  I enjoy almost every aspect of my day when I am working.  I am GOOD at my job, and am lucky enough to make money doing something that I adore.  I am also passionate about the aviation industry as a whole.  I am totally devoted to my company, and to upholding the high standards of conduct associated with working there.  I am proud to be where I am, and to be an example of happiness to my children.

The comments made to me involved the lack of skill, the lack of intelligence, and the lack of importance reflected in a Flight Attendant’s job.  It hurt.  Mainly because I am SO proud of who and what I am.  Partly because people close to me should KNOW.  Partly because I let myself believe them, and allowed myself to assume if those closest to me believe that, then probably most people do as well.  I will admit that I care what people think of me.  I shouldn’t, and I know that, but I DO.  I spent the week believing everyone around me figured I was stupid, that my job was for idiots and that I wasn’t worth much for choosing this life.  I spiraled down into what a horrible wife and mother I am for loving something that takes me away.  I allowed myself to believe the worst about myself – I allowed myself to doubt who I am.

Thankfully, I have made the decision that these people are either jealous, misinformed – or both.  I will advocate for better understanding of what I do, and I won’t allow others to dictate how I feel about myself.  A new friend said to me “It’s none of my business what other people think of me”  I love it.  It’s true.

People don’t always understand what the true role of a Flight Attendant is.  We are Cabin Safety Professionals.  Break that down:  Cabin – that’s where you sit when you are in a plane (unless you are the operating pilots)  Safety – not a hard thing to understand.  As with all types of travel, there are inherent dangers to air travel.  We are there to maintain YOUR safety.  Professionals:  again, not hard to figure out…  I would hope that all Flight Attendants act with a level of respect and professionalism.  All we ask in return is respect back.

When I did my initial training, it was almost 4 weeks long.  It was 5-6 days/week, 8-9 hours/day.  So let’s say approximately 130hours of training.  Out of that, 4 (yes, FOUR!!) of those hours involved learning about performing the day-to-day services we provide.  Pouring coffee, handing out cookies…  yes… there is a “proper” way to do that…  but it in the grand scheme of what I am trained on, it is a SMALL bit.  The rest??  How to keep our guests SAFE.  How to keep the cabin SAFE.  How to keep our aircraft SAFE.  How to keep ourselves SAFE.  We learned FireFighting, First Aid, Self-Defense, Emergency and Evacuation Procedures.  We retrain every year so that we are always at our best.

The next time you board an aircraft – take a good look at your Flight Attendants (don’t be creepy about it tho – we know how to restrain you)  Think about this – your Flight Attendant most likely has someone at home, waiting for her.  She may have children who are missing her.  She chooses a job that takes her away from everything that is important to her, because keeping you safe is also important to her.  She will be the one to maintain control in the event of an emergency.  She will be the one to come to your aid in a medical situation.  She may have a university degree.  She is someone’s child, sibling, parent, spouse.  She may save your life.  So look her in the eye, and show her respect.  She’ll ‘reward’ you with a cup of coffee and a cookie, and in the case of this Flight Attendant – a huge smile.

**I use the female pronouns for ease of writing.  I work alongside some amazing men as well.**

I am one cool Mom…  at least in my own mind I am!  My oldest son finds me utterly embarassing most of the time.  Apparently kissing your children at school, wearing your Gi to pick them up, and dancing in the grocery store is actually like committing child abuse!!  Don’t even get me started on what singing in the car does to one’s child….

Now,  I like to think that I am building a relationship with my kids that will enable open and honest communication with them.  Apparently it’s going ok so far, my stepdaughter and I had a chat today about booze and drugs…  we don’t necessarily have the same opinions, but I was thrilled that we could talk about it.  I felt like an amazing parent!  I want them all to grow up confident and ready to take on the world.  We teach them independance.  My 8year old knows how to cook a few things, and my 5year old won’t be far behind.  They walk to school, and we give my 8year old responsibility.  We may drop the ball on some things, but on the things that are important, the things that will make them successful, happy, productive members of society – we are way ahead of most.

Now, back to my coolness!!

Embarassing behaviours aside, and after-school special conversations aside…  there are a few things that my kids DO think are cool!  They like that I have my green belt in Karate, and that I assist in their classes, and that I can pick up a bo and swing it around with some skill.  They think it’s cool that I can fly a plane.  They also think it’s cool that I am tattoo’d.  I got my 8th ink-spot yesterday.  It, as all of my tattoos do, means something special to me.  My daughter (step-daughter… whatever) drew it.  A few details had to be changed just because her original drawing was quite finely detailed…  but it’s mostly hers.  I am so excited to have a piece of her permanently with me.  I think she was touched as well.

I am so lucky to have the kids that I do, and to know that while they drive me absolutely bonkers some days..  they are turning into amazing, talented, beautiful people that will make a huge difference in this world.

ps – I am including pictures of the things my kids think are cool.