From My Perspective…

***WARNING*** this post is going to make some of you feel old.  I apologize for that, but if *I* have to feel old, I’m taking you all down with me.

Almost 12 years ago, I started dating a man I had known for 4 years.  He was tall, handsome and treated me wonderfully.  All things I liked!  He owned his own company, and really had it together – things I wasn’t used to in a boyfriend.  He got along with my family, and they all loved him.  Seems like a perfect guy, right?  I agreed!!  Things started to get pretty serious, and even tho this guy was amazing – people warned me.  See, this man had a daughter.  She was four.  I was warned that dating a man with a child was going to be hard.  I was warned it wasn’t like dating a man without kids.  Those people were certainly right!  Dating a man with a child is different, and at times – difficult.  Thankfully tho, I don’t listen well!  I continued dating that man, and eventually married him.  That little four year old girl is now my daughter.  I love her just as much as the two brothers we gave her.  I wouldn’t trade a minute of our journey together.  I am so very proud of that little girl, and even more proud of the young woman she’s become.

You see, that little girl turns sixteen tomorrow.

I have so many memories and have had the honour of sharing in so many experiences…  I share a few of them with you now.

The first time I met Darryl – I hadn’t been dating Joel long, and he was so careful about girls meeting his daughter.  She was sound asleep and a friend and I stopped by to watch a movie with his friend and him.  Not 10 minutes into our visit, a sleepy and very cute little thing came padding out from the bedroom.  She looked at her Dad, at his friend, at me, and at my friend.  She came up to me and said “you’re very pretty, and I like your pigtail braids” and then looked at my friend and said “and you’re big and fat”.  Now…  the girl speaks the truth.  I am certainly not ugly, and my pigtail braids were cute!  And the fact is, my friend was indeed a big girl.  I still to this day admire Darryl’s honesty.

Our first trip together – We took a recently turned five year old with us to Peachland, BC to visit my grandparents.  She was so excited.  Her Dad had her convinced Peachland was made of Peaches…  and really – how awesome is THAT?  She was also excited to meet another set of grandparents.  The girl always has been smart – more grandparents = more spoiling.  The drive from Calgary to Peachland is about eight hours.  She drank and ate normally.  We stopped at all the great places on the way.  Golden for lunch, The Enchanted Forest…  so our trip probably took us nine hours.  I have a small travel bladder.  I stop to pee alot.  Each time we stopped, we tried to get her to go.  Would she?  NOPE.  The girl held it ALL THE WAY.  We arrived at my grandparents, and were met at the base of the driveway.  Over bounced (you know the bounce…  also known as the pee-pee dance) our girl…  “HiYouMustBeNanaI’mDarrylWhere’sYourBathroom” the words were strung together… and spoken very fast.  I admire the stubborn streak, and I also admire how Darryl can walk into ANY situation and make herself at home.

When Tyson learned to walk – Our visitation arrangement states that we have Miss D for a month every summer.  The summer her baby brother learned to walk, we had her in August.  Tyson learned to walk in July.  She came in the front door, and Tyson toddled his way over to his big sister, huge smile on his face.  Darryl dropped everything, and started to cry.  She was so proud of her brother.  “Tyson! You can WALK!!!!!!” she exclaimed.  I love how she always celebrates other peoples successes, and how she loves our family here as much as her other family at her Mom’s.

When Jeremy learned to walk – Jeremy, our resident stinker..  (said with love… with LOVE!) of course couldn’t just surprise his sister with a new skill.  He went ahead and learned to walk while we were on a 2-week family vacation to the maritimes.  Rental Cottages aren’t always baby-proofed, and of course, Jeremy ended up tumbling his new-walking self into the corner of a coffee table.  Right. In. Front. Of. His. Sister.  While, of course, she was watching him for us while we got changed and ready to go out.  Again, a baby brother’s walking skills caused his big sister to cry.  This time tho, because she felt so bad that he was hurt while she was watching him.   It took most of the rest of our trip to convince her that it would have happened no matter what, and that we didn’t blame her.  Our girl is a sensitive soul, and I hope she never loses that.

Now…  those are just a few memories.  I could write until she turns 17 with all of the things that I hold in my memories and in my heart about Darryl.  Things weren’t always easy tho.  We have had our rocky times.  We’ve fought, cried, yelled.  We’ve grown apart and back together.  There were times when I wasn’t sure it was the best thing for her, for me to stay with her Dad.  There were times when she hurt me, and even more times when I am sure I have hurt her.  I don’t say I am proud of those moments, but in all honesty – I’d do them all again, just the same.  They brought us where we are today.  We can laugh, joke, and speak our minds.  We look each other in the eye and say we love each other.  There will be times in the future where I am sure we’ll hurt again – but we have a strong friendship and bond, and we’ll make it to the other side of that hurt.

I have one more memory to share.

The night before and the day I married her Dad – On September 19, 2003 we were getting the final touches ready for our wedding.  We were almost ready to head out for our wedding rehearsal.  Our phone rang.  Miss D had fallen out of a treehouse, and broken her fall with her lip.  She now had three lips.  One on the bottom, and now two on the top, since her’s was split in, well, two.  In the rush of activity that day/night, I can’t actually remember the order of events.  I just know that Joel and I somehow managed to get to the rehearsal (late) and leave the rehearsal (early).  We didn’t go for dinner.  We went back to the hospital.  Darryl got all stitched up.  Trooper that she is, she still wanted to be as involved in our wedding as originally planned.  Poor thing had a swollen face, and was in a lot of pain.  She came with us and got her hair done, came with us all to get dressed with the girls, and performed her part as a Junior Bridesmaid  with more grace than most.  Yes, our pictures show her lip – but honestly – all you can see is a beautiful girl with shining eyes.  My favourite memory of Darryl tho (and I don’t mean from our wedding – I mean ever!) is when she got up to make a speech.  She was nine years old.  We had opened the mic up and there she was.  She told me she was so happy I had married her Dad, and became her Step-Mom.  It was the ultimate level of acceptance, and still makes me cry to think about it.  I’m pretty happy I married her Dad too, and thrilled to be her Step-Mom.  As a side note, I do have to thank Darryl for taking care of the “mishap” that almost every wedding has.  Other than her fall, our wedding was absolutely perfect.

Darryl – this is my letter to you.  I post it publicly because it’s my way of shouting from the mountaintops how very amazing you are.  You have the ability to become anything you want to be, and I hope that you know how very proud I am of you.  I have a hard time believing that you are 16.  I swear just yesterday I was brushing your hair into pig-tails, and redecorating your room to reflect your love of Pokemon.  I hope that the good outweighs the bad in your eyes as well, and I thank you for all that you have taught me.

I love you, my daughter.