From My Perspective…

I had an interesting weekend.  I attended an amazing Karate Workshop with my Dojo.  We camped, we trained, we spent time with our Grand Master, who is a most amazing man.  I had the privilege of getting to know my Dojo brothers and sisters, and their spouses, alot better.  I learned, and I realized my skills in my chosen Martial Art are starting to solidify.  Did I mention that all of this amazing activity took place in Lake Louse, AB and Emerald Lake, BC?  For those who have not had the opportunity, you must visit Emerald Lake once in your lifetime.  Seriously – go put it on your bucket list RIGHT NOW.  Not only is it breath-takingly beautiful, it’s also situated on one of the most prominent energy points in the world.  It is a place to relax, and renew.

Now – with all of this amazement going on..  who would think there would be time for tears?  Well let me tell you – I had tears, and tears a plenty.

The first set came after our first Kobudo training session.  (Weapons).  For some reason, by the end, I was in tears.  A Year ago, I would have said this was due to the frustration of just NOT getting it.  This year tho, that wasn’t the case.  I didn’t feel frustrated in the least.  I also didn’t feel sad.  I just HAD to cry…  and hug my little people.  I had the opportunity to chat with our Grand Master about it, and came to the realization that because Emerald Lake is a place that is very special to me, and because my spirit has grown both in my every day life and in my Martial Arts training, and because I was standing in this amazing, beautiful energy place – I had an emotional release.  This is a good thing.  I have a lot to release, and a lot to work on.

My second round of tears wasn’t as amazing.  The Dojo kids that were camping with us had the opportunity to train with our Grand Master as well.  During that training, my kids were especially, well… obnoxious.  So were the other kids…  but in my eyes, my two were the ones being singled out…  being judged…  and by association I felt I was being judged as well.

My oldest has issues when he’s in crowds..  he has troubles focusing and keeping himself still when his senses are overloaded, and he also likes to show off.  Not a great combination.  I get this.  I know this.  Others may not.  They don’t know that he can’t actually sit..  it’s physically next-to-impossible for him.  They just see a boy who won’t listen when he’s asked to stop.  When there is a lot of sensory overload – people, unfamiliar surroundings, noise – he gets worse.  He blocks it out..  I believe in this process he blocks everything out, and gets into a state where no input is allowed in, and all we get is a LOT of output.  No balance, and no calm.  As his parents, we get just as frustrated with this as his teachers, and other adults.  My biggest regret to date with him?  I haven’t yet fully accepted that this is who he is.

My littlest one isn’t much better.  He has learned from example.  He adores his big brother, and will do anything he does.  He talks out of turn, and has recently decided that listening to his parents is NOT high on his priority list.  Neither is sitting quietly, or showing respect.  He does have room in his day to throw 100 (give or take) temper tantrums a day, however.  Complete with kicking, screaming and being downright nasty.

I was raised with a certain expecation as to what my behaviour in public would be.  I have worked with kids for many many years, and have always had a high expectation as to their behaviour when presented in public.  I have this same high standard for my own kids.  I am starting to realize that the real “PROBLEM” with my kids is ME.

*I* expect them to behave a certain way.  I have just told you that my oldest CAN’T always behave that way.  Logically, I know that he does the best he can most of the time.  Yet, I still get SO upset with him.  I am embarrassed to admit this, but I am embarrassed by his behaviour at times.  The little one has the ability to reduce me to tears.  Yet – if you ask most anyone who interacts with my children – they are great!  They are on the active side of normal, but they are GREAT kids!  After a morning spent yelling, screaming, stomping and crying – and that was just me! – I have come to a huge realization.

I need to learn to actually ACCEPT my kids.  I love them, and I do love them unconditionally.  They are amazing little people with loving, fun and intuitive personalities.  They try so hard.  They try to please a Mother who has unattainable and unacceptably high standards.  Who needs to modify their behaviour in this situation?  Yes… that would be ME.

My goal from here forward is this:  I will try to not allow other people’s opinions to change my opinion of my kids.  Until you’ve walked a mile in someone’s parenting shoes, no one has the right to judge.  I wouldn’t dream of judging someone else, so why do I allow other’s judgments to affect me? From now on?  I DON’T!  If you have a negative opinion of my kids – keep it to yourself.  We don’t need to hear it.  I will also remember that my kids are almost always doing the very best that they can.  They want to please, and they want to be happy.  They aren’t intentionally trying to drive me to drink – they are just learning and growing and exploring their world.  As their mother, it is my job to allow them to do this.

Most importantly tho, I will learn to accept my children for the people that they are.  I will stop trying to fit them into an outdated mold of what past generations believe children should be.  So what if they don’t behave the way others believe they should?  If they aren’t hurting anyone, or anything, or themselves – and they are in an environment where they aren’t being too disruptive – they will be allowed to be themselves.  To Be Kids.

And I will be ok with it.

I hope.